so it starts.

What am i doing and where am in going?

I ponder, sitting on my mom's couch, one day AWOL from my job, if you can figure out who my boss is, feel free to let him (or her) know. There is nothing on the TV, and i have just a vague idea of what i am doing, and the blinding light of the on coming train of what comes next... i could have quit, and spent the vacation money I had earned on this trip. Or i did not.

Tomorrow I rent a car, drive to atlanta, see my old friend James, and pick up the 3 or 4 paintings of mine he has be holding for me since i moved to LA in May of 99. then rent a van drive to Champaign, to see Alex and Mary, dinner and over night, we all head to chicago in their car, to meet Peter, New Years eve, dinner and party with his Sister and her bf. back with Alex on the 1st, over night again then back to Santa Monica with the paintings in the back of the van, and the TV set my mom gave me, a rough idea of when i am coming back, and what i want to see between now and then. Memphis maybe, want to see The very large array. besides that anything goes.

Solid plan, tight schedule, places to be people to see, things to do.

So why not quit, why not ask for the vacation time off, I have it earned. Simple.

Except for this feeling of not doing things right. Is this what an arsonist feels when they light the fire? They know the out come, but still they light it. Have to see it burn. It is not enough to know the potential of what they are going to do.
or do they not even know, can they not imagine it?

Why now? Why not wait suck it up for a few more weeks get the lay off, do the smart thing. Do the right thing? What i should do?

Looking for this between now and the 10 of Jan.