01/01/07 - New year

Remember the cold, remember how it bites your skin, numbs your fingers, chills your hands where it sweats holding the cell phone you brought on the run so you could get back into the apartment when you are done running.

it is early. Little after 8 am on monday jan first. I am running along lake michigan, Along Lincoln Park in downtown Chicago.

started running this summer. Smashed the glass I was drinking from, "I will never talk to you again" hung up the phone on my father. Changed my cloths, turned on the iPod, blaring her music as loud as i could and i ran. And now I run. Run and run and run, 252.3 miles, @ 7:54 a mile (http://nike.com/plus). now i can look at myself in the mirror naked and like what i see, for the first time in nearly 30 years.

In six months running had become the constant in my life. it has trimmed away the fat from my body, given my mind a place and time to be alone with my thoughts, and today the opportunity to explore a place. or in this case a chance to rediscover it.

I am pounding along the cement breakwater, the blue green glow of the water fading out to the flat steel gray sky of a mid west winter. The water is still. I am in awe of such a large body of water, 5th (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_Michigan) largest body of fresh water with such a tranquil demeanor, unlike the raging pacific ocean i normally run along.

The beauty, the light, it glows blue, the same blue green i remember form when i was in school. My eyes water, not sure if it is the cold or my heart. I am overwhelmed. and i keep running, no camera with me for the second time in 2 days, by the lake in amazing light, no camera. I must just remember, bite in to the memories as the wind bites into my skin, chills my hands and legs, relentless, unforgiving, pure by nature, knowing nothing else. Use this light the memories of this light as the foundation of the my future. remember this, like the memories from school that are flooding back

I run all the way down to oak street beach, under the Hancock building http://www.hancock-observatory.com/ and the Drake, site of so many photos, nights, art projects, for school, when i was here before. It is the same, plastic champaign corks littering the beach.

Chicago where i went to school, where i ran from my home as far and as fast as I could. now I am running, literally, pushing farther, it is cold, even with layers, but i push on 4 miles before i turn around, I have cash i could take a cab if need be.

I start wishing everyone i pass a happy new year as i run back. The majority of people wish me back one as well, once they get past the idea that a stranger talking to them is not a threat, is actually wishing them well. I am a 12 year old.


On the road tomorrow am, time alone starts, more time for updating this blog and sharing the photos i have taken

12/31/06 - the last day

Start location: Chicago, IL
Mileage covered today: 12
States visited: 1
End location: Chicago, IL



chat with Alex

meet peter - instantly changes the dynamic, he is a waling force of humor and sillyness

breakfast

try to see the departed, end up seeing the new bond film, good direction, reinturptation, a little long in places, but worth seeing on the big screen.
drink with peter's dad and his wife.
party @ kristen's
late night

12/30/06 - a broad shoulder town

Start location: Champaign, IL
Mileage covered today: 120
States visited: 1
End location: Chicago, IL

up late, check e-mail. Alex and i blitz up the 57 in his new 3 series. Amazing run along the lake, colors, school, inspiring, nearly crying, aching for beauty, and work and taking charge of my life. the beauty of feeling. The feeling of beauty.

12/28/06 - shopping spree

12/28/06 - shopping spree

Start location: Atlanta, GA
Mileage covered today: 140
States visited: 2
End location: Kimball, TN

Buffets: Americano and Banana Muffin
Tank of gas for rent a car
Rental car return: PT Cruiser recommended only if there is no other option
2 large flat cardboard boxes : for packing the painting
bottle of Champagne for james ferrying me around the south side of Atlanta in search of a 10' rental truck
Rent 10' truck: includes 5 extra days, and room for a small family
lunch for James, mary and myself, : Fellini's pizza on Ponts De Leon, out side in the late afternoon light, salad pizza with sausage and olives, and iced tea with a splash of lemonade, tastes as good as i remember it. The crust is light and crispy at the same time.
Chick-fil-a: , sandwich and a coke to help me stay a wake
America's best hotel : single no smoking, funny smell no extra charge.
Walmart : Mini DV tapes, dental floss, optical mouse, 5 pens, 1 multi function pen/pencile/stylus, bottle of water, pad lock
Radio Shack: iTrip for some comfortable tune'ge when I have had too much of my soul saved
Tennessee Alabama Fireworks: 2 post cards, metallic rainbow sticker for the state of TN, and 6

Once in kimball TN, I am swimming in the thick drawl of the little girl and her gran'pa in in the check out line at Walmart, with her gem polisher, and his well warn Vietnam veteran hat.

Walk back across the giant parking lot, to shoot some photos of the 2 story tall 200' long neon sign for "TENNESSE AND ALABAMA FIREWORKS" the have a huge selection of fireworks, "sambo figurine curios", erect penis sculptures, and confederate flags.

I sit down to write this, Deliverance is on the TV, the south is still alive.

12/27/06 - old stomping grounds

Start location: Charlotte, NC
Mileage covered today: 270
States visited: 2
End location: Atlanta, GA

Breakfast of banana bread and coffee black, with mom. Quick pack. Thrifty rent a car. PT crusier, lovely lavender, which apart form it not breaking and getting my to my destination hassle free are the only things lovely about this car.

I arrive in Atlanta to see James his wonderful wife Mary and to gather up the paintings i left in Atlanta when the I retreated back to LA in '99.

I arrive 15 min late, terrible traffic out side of Charlotte had delayed me and the familiarity of all the streets had led me astray to take the long looping way to their house. We catch up, drink wine, he shows me around his house and we eat layered cream cheese and salami secured with a small green olive on a tooth pick. watch the light of the day fade, trading snaps with our Nikon camera, his newer and nicer.

Mary comes home, plans are made we head out to Atlantic area, another cocktail in the Lobby bar, brisk walk to Rosa Cantina, or great pomegranate margaritas, hand made guacamole, and lobster.... tbc

12/27/06 - old stomping grounds

Start location: Charlotte, NC
Mileage covered today: 270
States visited: 2
End location: Atlanta, GA

Breakfast of banana bread and coffee black, with mom. Quick pack. Thrifty rent a car. PT crusier, lovely lavender, which apart form it not breaking and getting my to my destination hassle free are the only things lovely about this car.

I arrive in Atlanta to see James his wonderful wife Mary and to gather up the paintings i left in Atlanta when the I retreated back to LA in '99.

I arrive 15 min late, terrible traffic out side of Charlotte had delayed me and the familiarity of all the streets had led me astray to take the long looping way to their house. We catch up, drink wine, he shows me around his house and we eat layered cream cheese and salami secured with a small green olive on a tooth pick. watch the light of the day fade, trading snaps with our Nikon camera, his newer and nicer.

Mary comes home, plans are made we head out to Atlantic area, another cocktail in the Lobby bar, brisk walk to Rosa Cantina, or great pomegranate margaritas, hand made guacamole, and lobster... tbc

so it starts.

What am i doing and where am in going?

I ponder, sitting on my mom's couch, one day AWOL from my job, if you can figure out who my boss is, feel free to let him (or her) know. There is nothing on the TV, and i have just a vague idea of what i am doing, and the blinding light of the on coming train of what comes next... i could have quit, and spent the vacation money I had earned on this trip. Or i did not.

Tomorrow I rent a car, drive to atlanta, see my old friend James, and pick up the 3 or 4 paintings of mine he has be holding for me since i moved to LA in May of 99. then rent a van drive to Champaign, to see Alex and Mary, dinner and over night, we all head to chicago in their car, to meet Peter, New Years eve, dinner and party with his Sister and her bf. back with Alex on the 1st, over night again then back to Santa Monica with the paintings in the back of the van, and the TV set my mom gave me, a rough idea of when i am coming back, and what i want to see between now and then. Memphis maybe, want to see The very large array. besides that anything goes.

Solid plan, tight schedule, places to be people to see, things to do.

So why not quit, why not ask for the vacation time off, I have it earned. Simple.

Except for this feeling of not doing things right. Is this what an arsonist feels when they light the fire? They know the out come, but still they light it. Have to see it burn. It is not enough to know the potential of what they are going to do.
or do they not even know, can they not imagine it?

Why now? Why not wait suck it up for a few more weeks get the lay off, do the smart thing. Do the right thing? What i should do?

Looking for this between now and the 10 of Jan.

the north pole

The airport bar, United terminal LAX, 10:32 pm Christmas eve. $2 extra buy you a double shot drink. Denise returns with a pint glass of scotch and soda on the rocks with a lime. She is gone before I can ask for the lemon. Hell with it, lime on the table and a deep sip crosses my lips. I survey the crowd.

2 hipster guys, my guess is internet, one is a little heavy shaved head and full goatee, second has a skull cap, with dark full but trim sideburns and a type of beard. boh have very understated but modern bags and sharp shoes.

Blond woman on the phone (bluetooth headset), late 30's tall, orders a margarita rocks salt, spends the $2 for the double. call ends, opens laptop, PC, not a creative, must be an account person or maybe a producer.

Tech guy next to me checks e-mail on his laptop. non-descript, not a coder, sits quietly taking in the situation.

A Woman comes in and sits down in the middle of the room. She has great posture very straight back and a book, drinks a hefaavisen

There is a beautiful black woman at the counter almost recognizable, maybe she is famous, or almost famous, maybe i should have paid more attention when i was working on TMZ.com, nah. She seems to want the 2 hipster guys to chat a bit, but they are in there own conversation. She orders a shot, something dark, downs it with ease, grabs her stuff and is away to her gate

Everyone gathered here just before last call on Christmas eve, alone together making time in this little bar, headed to to destinations where people are waiting for expecting them, to be delivered like presents form santa in the morning.

The River Nile